


Coffee and Sarcasm

by inbarati



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-15
Updated: 2010-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-08 23:29:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inbarati/pseuds/inbarati





	1. Chapter 1

Rodney McKay was the world's worst barista, and he knew it. In fact, it was a point of great pride. "You want six shots of 'expresso' in your latte," he responded dryly to the first customer of the morning. "Tell you what, I'll get right on that, if you do two things for me. Learn to say espresso, because there's no such thing as 'expresso,' and learn the chemical composition of caffeine. Until then, there's a Dunkin Donuts two blocks down Forest Avenue. Next!"

A man with ridiculous hair looked at the spluttering older businessman and quirked an eyebrow at Rodney behind the counter. "I didn't realize there'd be a quiz," he drawled.

Rodney sneered at him. "Yes, yes, I'm sure your looks and your ability to throw a football got you through school just fine. What do you want?"

"I'd like a mocha latte, and the chemical composition of caffeine is C8H10N4O2," ridiculous-hair-man replied, deadpan.

Rodney stopped the grinder. "What?"

"Did you lose a hearing aid? The chemical composition of caffeine is C8H10N4O2."

Rodney finished steaming milk in silence, but slid a chocolate biscotti across the counter with the latte. "My shift gets over at five. I usually go over to Dali's for a beer and dinner on Friday nights, if you'd like to meet me there. We can talk about the chemical composition of beer." Rodney smiled. "Next!"

The ten o'clock lull slid by and Rodney went to the back room to get some napkins to stock up for the lunch rush. "Good morning, Liz," he said to their buyer, a slim brunette woman who smiled more than Rodney found entirely trustworthy.

"Rodney, it's Elizabeth or Ms. Weir if you must, but not Liz." She looked up from her order form. "We're low on Yirgacheffe. Should I order more or just let it run out?"

"How would I know? I just make the coffee. Ronon will be here in an hour, he's teaching a demolition class at the police academy. It's his shop. If he doesn't keep track of what's popular, that's his problem."

"What's my problem?" Ronon threw a leather jacket over the back of a stepladder.

"Whether or not Yirgacheffe is popular. I'm leaving at five. I have a date."

"Try not to insult the guy's shoes this time and maybe you'll get more than one date per guy." Ronon replied, unfazed.

"But this guy's hair just begs for gel jokes." Rodney grinned.

"If you don't get laid soon, you're going to irritate the piss out of every customer I have. You're going to irritate me, and then you'll be out of a job." Ronon quipped.

"You wouldn't fire me. You _loooove_ me." Rodney breezed back out to the counter, ignoring Ronon shaking his head and Elizabeth's reluctant grin.

***

At five thirty Rodney sat down and ordered a Molson's. At five thirty-seven, mocha latte walked in. "Hi," he said. "John Sheppard."

"Rodney McKay. Nice to finally have a name. I knew I couldn't refer to you as 'mocha latte' forever," he grinned.

John grinned back, and ordered a Sam Adams. American beer, but not Budweiser, at least. "So, uh… is this a date?" John asked.

"Do you want it to be?" Rodney asked, still grinning.

"It'd be my first since getting kicked out of the Air Force." John peeled some of the label off his beer.

"What for?" Rodney asked without thinking.

John answered by giving Rodney a smoldering once-over. "Conduct Unbecoming."

"Definitely their loss," Rodney sipped his beer, mouth suddenly dry. "We could order pizza at my house," he said suddenly.

John laughed and slapped a bill down on the counter. "Let's get out of here."


	2. Coffee and Orgasm

Rodney's apartment was a total mess. There were physics books and papers full of equations and diagrams everywhere. "Just give me a sec," Rodney muttered as he quickly picked up enough stuff to clear the couch so they could sit. A small black and white cat came in from a cat flap set into a board that covered part of the window and twined herself around John's legs. "That's Teyla. She's friendly, just don't try to pick her up."

"Why not?" John asked, Teyla purring happily in his arms.

"Wow. She nearly blinded the last guy I brought home." Rodney looked truly dumbfounded.

"Well, obviously, she likes me better." John was insufferably smug.

Rodney was not finding it cute. Not in the slightest.

"So what's with all the books and stuff? Are you a student?" John gestured at the stacks of paper.

"Hardly. I have a PhD in astrophysics, but funding for my project fell through, so Ronon took pity on me and gave me a job. I'm not going to stop working on the theory behind the project though, even if I don't have the lab to test anything." Rodney tilted his chin up, stubbornly.

"How do you know Ronon?" John asked casually, setting Teyla down and shrugging off his jacket.

"He's my ex. We met in grad school."

"Huh," was John's somewhat shocked reply. "So you work together, but you're not…?"

"Oh, no, no. That's been over for years. He was mostly just curious. I think he's pretty straight. He seems to have a thing for the woman who buys our beans." Rodney eyed John sternly. "Also, I'm not in the habit of bringing home strange men when I'm in a relationship."

"Hey, I'm not strange."

"Please, have you _seen_ your hair?" Rodney picked up the phone. "What kind of pizza do you want?" He flopped down on the couch, dialing.

"Sausage and mushroom." John was wiggling his foot so Teyla would play with his shoelace.

"Mmm. Sounds good." Rodney waited for someone to pick up for several moments. "Hello? Yes, fine, I'll hold." He turned to John, covering the mouthpiece. "You might as well sit. These guys are always busy, but that's because they have they best pizza around."

Instead of sitting, John stood between Rodney's legs, kicking them apart. Rodney looked up, startled, and John sank to his knees gracefully between Rodney's spread knees. He leaned forward and kissed Rodney, softly at first, and then deeper as Rodney got with the program and started kissing back. Rodney moaned, and John pulled back, pressing an index finger to Rodney's lips and then his own. "Shhh…" he whispered, proceeding to kiss down Rodney's jaw to his neck.

"Oh, god," Rodney gasped as John's hands crept under his 'Atlantis Coffeehouse' tee, to slide calloused fingers over his nipples.

"If you're not quieter, they're going to know someone is sucking your dick while they take your order," John murmured against his chest, "and you're going to have to look the delivery guy in the face when you answer the door."

Rodney whimpered as John sucked his nipple through the fabric of the shirt. "Yes?" he said to the phone, "Large sausage and mushroom to 145 Lorne Lane. Visa. Yes, you have my account number." John was mouthing his cock through his jeans. He fisted his free hand in John's hair, but the man would not be deterred, sucking hard through the material. "Ah! N-no, I'm fine. No, it's 7-3-6-8. Yes, McKay." He listened for a moment, trying desperately to breathe normally. "Okay," he snapped the phone shut. "You," he said, looking down at John who was licking over the top of his zipper, "are an utter bastard."

John just grinned, and undid the top button of Rodney's jeans.

"I'm not answering the door with an erection." Rodney folded his arms. "You'll go hungry."

"I guess that would depend on what I'm hungry for." John's voice was just a little rough, and he unzipped Rodney very, very slowly. Rodney's boxers have the Lewis structure of caffeine on them. John couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

"They were a gift," Rodney huffed.

"Sure," John replied, still laughing.

"You'd better give the world's best blowjob if you're going to be laughing at me. I could kick you out right now." Rodney pouted.

John just grinned again. "I give the world's best blowjob anyway."

"Not while you're talking you don't." Rodney grumped.

So, John stopped talking. He pulled off Rodney's sneakers, and then his boxers and pants. Rodney was still trying to look offended, arms still folded, but his eyes were wide, and his cock hard and wet at the tip. John wrapped his hand around Rodney and licked his lips, peering up at Rodney through his lashes.

"Cock. Tease." Rodney groaned. John's return smile was incandescent, as if Rodney had paid him a great compliment. He pointed his tongue and lightly licked Rodney's slit, making a pleased humming sound when Rodney hissed in a breath. He licked the head of Rodney's cock like it was a lollipop, gently stroking the shaft. Not enough to provide any real relief, just enough to make Rodney squirm to try and increase the contact. Rodney's hands were back in his hair, but John was ignoring all of Rodney's attempts to use it to pull him closer. Finally, he opened his mouth around the tip, but then he stopped. Not moving, just letting his breath wash over Rodney's hardness.

It took Rodney all of three seconds to break. "Please, John," there was desperation in his voice. John gave in, sucking Rodney all the way down in one smooth motion. Rodney's hips came up off the couch and he made an incoherent noise. John pushed him back down with his free hand, sucking in earnest now, his head and hand moving in tandem. Rodney was babbling, alternately swearing at and blessing John, his hands in John's hair still, but not trying to control, just holding on. "I-I-I'm…" Rodney stuttered.

John just sucked harder, making another happy hum as he swallowed down Rodney's come, which made Rodney tremble with aftershocks.

The doorbell rang.

"Shit." Rodney looked at John with pleading eyes. John just grinned and adjusted himself, licking his lips again. "You are so going to suffer for this," Rodney threatened, throwing on his boxers, and pulling a twenty out of his wallet. He opened the door, grabbed the pizza, threw the twenty at the grinning girl on the other side, and then slammed it shut. He tossed the pizza box onto a paper-and-book-covered table, and crossed the room in three large steps to pull John up by his shirt and kiss him, hard, and deep, and dirty. He let go and went to get plates from the kitchen. "We should eat. You're going to need energy, because I intend to call in sick tomorrow and spend the next twenty-four hours making you pay for tormenting me." Rodney grinned wolfishly.

"What if I had other plans?" John asked.

"I'm a very persuasive man, when I want to be," Rodney replied, handing John a plate and a beer.

John grinned. "Consider me persuaded."

"See?" Rodney said. "I didn't even have to try."


	3. Chapter 3

"God, Rodney." John tried to pull the physicist away from the pizza and toward the bedroom.

"We're eating first," Rodney replied implacably.

"But I'm horny _now_," John pouted. Hey, it had gotten him his way before.

Rodney just grinned. "You'll be horny later, too. I promise." He put a slice of pizza on John's plate and then sat with his own. His gaze never left John's as he ate.

John squirmed as he ate, Rodney's relentless gaze keeping him at a slow burn.

Finally, Rodney stood and took the plates into the kitchen. "The quicker you're in the bedroom naked, the faster we can get started."

John was sprawled naked on the bed when Rodney returned from the kitchen. Rodney hummed happily, and stripped. Standing naked at the edge of the bed, Rodney looked at John. "You're fucking gorgeous." John arched and grinned at Rodney.

Rodney sat on the bed next to John, running fingers through the whorls of his chest hair. John arched again, into the touch, and moaned. "Come down here." John caught at Rodney's arm and tried ineffectually to pull him down.

"That pout doesn't work on me, you know." Rodney nipped John's protruding lower lip.

John intensified the pout. Rodney laughed and pulled some rope from behind the pillows piled against the headboard. John's eyebrow went up. "You're a mad scientist, and I'm supposed to put myself at your mercy?"

"Yes," said Rodney simply, looping the rope around John's wrists and tying a fast knot. His smile became slightly more evil as he watched John pull on the restraint to no avail. "Now that I have you, whatever shall I do with you?" He climbed up on to the bed to kneel over John.

"Fuck me?" John smiled winningly.

Rodney chuckled. "Oh, I plan to. I also plan to make you beg, first."

"I don't suppose it would help if I started begging now?" John wriggled under Rodney.

Rodney wasn't listening, though. He hummed noncommittally against John's ribs, licking and kissing his way down John's side. John squirmed when Rodney hit the ticklish spot on his belly, but Rodney just kept moving down, kissing over his hipbone to the crease of his thigh.

John bit his lip when Rodney kissed the tender spots on the insides of his knees, one after the other, and started trailing up the opposite leg. He tried to be still but his hips shifted restlessly. Rodney slapped him sharply on one thigh. "Be still or I'll go work on my paper until you've learned to behave."

John moaned, but stilled. "Rod-ney," he complained through gritted teeth.

Rodney just laughed. "It'd be worse if you had to sound normal while talking on the phone to someone, wouldn't it?"

"I didn't _tease,_" John huffed, then gasped in a breath as Rodney licked a broad stripe up the underside of his cock.

"You'll be thanking me when I'm finished with you, guaranteed. I'm a genius, after all." Rodney smugly went back to turning John's brains to mush.

Rodney waited until John was incoherently begging, arching into every touch. He ran his hands down John's sides, parting his thighs, and sliding slick fingers into the crease of John's ass.

"God, yes, Rodney, please. _Please._" John spread his legs further and tilted his hips up, surrendering. Rodney's mouth went a little dry, but he slid a finger into John, and was rewarded with a long, low groan of appreciation. "More."

"Greedy," Rodney voice came out rough. He was starting to feel some of John's urgency, so he did as the other man asked, sliding a second finger in, then a third. Rodney fumbled with a condom.

When Rodney replaced his fingers with his cock, John pulled hard on the rope, concentrating on the burn in his wrists to avoiding coming right then. He made a noise, pleasure bordering on the edge of pain, and Rodney stopped. John was done waiting. He planted his feet and arched upward, forcing Rodney all the way in.

They both moaned loudly at the sensation. Rodney held John's hips hard, keeping him still. "John," he murmured. "John."

"Mmmm..." John agreed, writhing under Rodney until the other man broke and started to thrust. He was so close, just needed… "Touch me, Rodney," he gasped, wrapping his legs around Rodney's waist.

"Yeah," Rodney wrapped blunt, calloused fingers around John's cock, stroking in counterpoint to his thrusts. "Come for me. Give it up."

John did. His back arched and he came between them, Rodney's name on his lips. A handful of thrusts more, and Rodney was coming too. "Fuck, John." He rested his head on John's chest for a few moments, before carefully puling out and disposing of the condom. Collapsing beside John, he spent a few moments catching his breath.

"Wow," John croaked. "That was… something else."

"Mmmm," Rodney replied. "Quite the performance, even for me."

John shoved ineffectually at Rodney's chest. "Egomaniac."

"The scientific method requires that we re-conduct the experiment to see if we get similar results." Rodney grinned.

John opened one eye. "Your turn to be bottom, and nap first."

"Deal." Rodney pulled John close.


End file.
